I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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