whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
