what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
