i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
