I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
