I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are we still banned from the library?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
