I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
