I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
