it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's Friday. Sex?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
