I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
