After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
