I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
