I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize