Christians are straight up FREAKS
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
