There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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