so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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