do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
