Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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