so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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