just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
