I cannot find my penis.
where am i from again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
