All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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