Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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