Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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