So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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