somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
