Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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