I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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