you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
