He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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