I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
