Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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