OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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