Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
