So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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