The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
