i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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