If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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