the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
