I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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