i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i will never coherently bang her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
