How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
