my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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