: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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