they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
