Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My vagina is officially offended.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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