oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
