my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
