Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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