I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
