Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
