Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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