I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
third nipple confirmed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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