I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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