You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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