I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
