I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
