she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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