I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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