how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
