Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
