so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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