can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
