He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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