That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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