you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
