That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
