; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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